EVER WONDER WHY…

…the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
…women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
…don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
…is “abbreviated” such a long word?
…is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
…is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
…is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
…is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
…is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
…isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
…When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
…didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
…do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
…You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
…don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
…are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
…If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
…If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

…more to come soon…

1. Only in America…… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.
10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

..hope you all had a great smile with these ones…more to come soon…

Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again…
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.
Who me? I just wander from room to room
And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
You!… Off my planet!
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
Can I trade this job for what’s behind door 1?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

..more to come soon…

Wow. I cannot believe its been a whole year already since my last birthday bash. Didn’t think the day would have crept up this quickly, but then with work and traveling around a bit, i guess time does fly when your having fun..(or in this case just hella busy).

Well, today I am officially 31 years old. Nah, I am not afraid of telling my true age. To be honest, I dont feel that old, if you consider 31 being old. Though on mornings after parting really hard, I do feel 31 + some.. =)

Well, more thougths and ideas to come. Thanks to all for your wishes you sent to me.

..more to come soon…
If I do not wake up with a hang over.